Those Advice from My Parent That Helped Us when I became a New Dad

"I believe I was just in survival mode for a year."

One-time reality TV personality Ryan Libbey anticipated to manage the challenges of being a father.

Yet the truth quickly proved to be "completely different" to his expectations.

Serious health issues around the birth caused his partner Louise hospitalised. Suddenly he was forced into becoming her primary caregiver as well as caring for their newborn son Leo.

"I handled every night time, every change… every stroll. The role of both parents," Ryan shared.

After nearly a year he became exhausted. It was a talk with his parent, on a public seat, that made him realise he required support.

The direct statement "You're not in a healthy space. You must get support. What can I do to assist you?" paved the way for Ryan to speak honestly, look for assistance and find a way back.

His experience is far from unique, but infrequently talked about. While society is now more accustomed to discussing the pressure on moms and about PND, less is said about the struggles dads encounter.

Asking for help is not weak to request support'

Ryan believes his difficulties are symptomatic of a broader inability to communicate amongst men, who still absorb harmful perceptions of manhood.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the fortress that just gets hit and doesn't fall every time."

"It isn't a show of weakness to request help. I failed to do that soon enough," he explains.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert focusing on mental health before and after childbirth, explains men often don't want to accept they're struggling.

They can feel they are "not justified to be asking for help" - especially ahead of a mother and child - but she stresses their mental well-being is vitally important to the household.

Ryan's conversation with his dad offered him the space to ask for a break - spending a couple of days overseas, away from the domestic setting, to get a fresh outlook.

He came to see he required a change to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states alongside the day-to-day duties of caring for a infant.

When he was honest with Louise, he realised he'd missed "what she was yearning" -physical connection and paying attention to her words.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has reshaped how Ryan views fatherhood.

He's now composing Leo regular notes about his feelings as a dad, which he hopes his son will read as he grows up.

Ryan believes these will help his son to more fully comprehend the expression of feelings and make sense of his approach to fatherhood.

The idea of "self-parenting" is something artist Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen was without stable male a father figure. Despite having an "wonderful" relationship with his dad, long-standing difficult experiences meant his father struggled to cope and was "in and out" of his life, complicating their bond.

Stephen says suppressing feelings resulted in him make "poor decisions" when he was younger to modify how he felt, finding solace in substance use as a way out from the pain.

"You find your way to behaviours that are harmful," he says. "They can briefly alter how you feel, but they will in the end make things worse."

Strategies for Managing as a First-Time Parent

• Talk to someone - when you are under pressure, speak to a family member, your other half or a professional what you're going through. This can to lighten the load and make you feel less isolated.
• Maintain your passions - continue with the things that allowed you to feel like you before becoming a parent. Examples include exercising, meeting up with mates or playing video games.
• Don't ignore the body - nutritious food, staying active and when you can, resting, all contribute in how your mind is coping.
• Spend time with other new dads - hearing about their journeys, the messy ones, and also the good ones, can help to normalise how you're experiencing things.
• Know that asking for help does not mean you've failed - prioritising your own well-being is the optimal method you can support your loved ones.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen understandably had difficulty processing the death, having not spoken to him for many years.

As a dad now, Stephen's resolved not to "continue the chain" with his own son and instead give the safety and nurturing he lacked.

When his son threatens to have a tantrum, for example, they try "shaking the feelings out" together - processing the frustrations in a healthy way.

Each of Ryan and Stephen state they have become improved and more well-rounded men because they confronted their issues, altered how they talk, and figured out how to manage themselves for their kids.

"I have improved at… dealing with things and managing things," says Stephen.

"I expressed that in a message to Leo last week," Ryan shares. "I expressed, on occasion I believe my purpose is to instruct and tell you how to behave, but the truth is, it's a dialogue. I am understanding an equal amount as you are in this journey."